PARENTING
Your Favourite Child
This is a bad idea
Shortly, after the birth of my second child, I decided to create the following personal parenting policy.
My children are equal.
All my children are my favourite.
Having said that each child is different. Each child has different strengths and weaknesses. Each child has made me proud; each child has frustrated me.
Do my kids appreciate my policy? Not always. Sometimes they want to be my favourite child or guess which sibling is my “actual” favourite.
There are no winners, when you chose a favourite child. Initially, the favourite child will be extremely pleased with themselves. They are number one in the eyes of a parent. But siblings tend to bring each other back to reality. The result is that no one is happy with this type of favouritism.
Maybe, you could have a secret favourite child. If you think you could fool your kids, you are wrong. They have spent their lifetimes studying you. Plus, they will “compare notes”. Your hidden bias will be uncovered.
Maybe, you could only reveal who your favourite child to work colleagues. Your work colleagues will never meet your kids. Who you are at work is different to who you are at home. So, your favourite child will remain a secret. No, it is impossible to hide a secret bias in the longer term. Your kids will work it out.
I know I cannot eliminate sibling rivalry, but I don’t need to contribute to the problem. I want kids to have a good relationship with each other. I want to know that they will have family support after I have gone.
All parents have their own styles. But this is my wish. This is my policy.
